Certified Fart Machine — Heavyweight Tee
Certified Fart Machine — Heavyweight Tee
Buy 2 tees, save $8. Mix and match any two — the discount applies automatically at checkout.
Boxy oversized fit. Take your normal size for the oversized look, size down one for a regular fit. Size guide →
Free U.S. shipping · Printed to order in the U.S. · Most orders arrive in 10–14 days
There's no warning and there's no escape. One second the room is fine, the next everyone is looking at each other — and the dog is asleep on the rug, innocent, guilty.
Distressed GOOFYPITS chest hit on the front. Full-back graphic: CERTIFIED FART MACHINE.
The blank: 7.5 oz garment-dyed 100% USA cotton (260 GSM) — close to double the weight of a standard 4.5 oz tee. Boxy, slightly oversized cut. Ribbed collar with shoulder-to-shoulder taping and double-needle seams, so it holds its shape instead of going soft and shapeless.
Fit: Boxy and oversized. Take your normal size for the oversized look, size down for a regular fit. Full measurements are in the size guide.
Shipping: Free U.S. shipping. Printed to order in the U.S. — most orders arrive in 10–14 days.
Care: Machine wash cold, inside out, with like colors. Mild detergent, no bleach. Tumble dry low or hang dry. Don't iron over the graphic. Colors may bleed a little on the first wash — that's the pigment dye doing its job.
Fit & sizing
Boxy, slightly oversized cut. Take your normal size for the oversized streetwear look, or size down one for a regular fit. Between sizes? Size up — this cut wears better roomy than tight.
Full measurements for S through 2XL are on the size guide.
Fabric & print
7.5 oz garment-dyed 100% USA cotton, 260 GSM — close to double the weight of a standard 4.5 oz graphic tee. Ribbed collar with shoulder-to-shoulder taping and double-needle seams.
Distressed GOOFYPITS chest hit on the front, full-back graphic. The pigment dye is washed into the fabric rather than printed on top, so it fades the way a good shirt is supposed to.
Shipping & delivery
Free U.S. shipping on every order.
Each shirt is printed after you order it, so nothing sits in a warehouse. Production takes 2–7 business days, then U.S. delivery is 8–13 business days — most orders arrive in about 10–14 days. Tracking is emailed as soon as it ships.
Returns & exchanges
Because every shirt is made to order, we can’t accept returns for change of mind or the wrong size. Please check the size guide first — and if you’re between sizes, email us and we’ll tell you which way to go.
If your order arrives damaged, misprinted or incorrect, contact us within 30 days with your order number and a photo and we’ll make it right.
Care
Machine wash cold, inside out, with like colors. Mild detergent, no bleach. Tumble dry low or hang dry. Don’t iron over the graphic.
Colors may bleed a little on the first wash — that’s the pigment dye doing its job.